• Neon Mariposa Magazine

My Life Got Harder When I Met Her by Elfie

My life got harder when I met her.

I had accepted my fate —

my body drifted towards the sun

my body too numb to feel the burn

my mind filtering out into space,

mixing with dust, will-to-live erased.

The darkness carried me away.

I had accepted my fate.

My life got harder when I met her.

I had no reason for faith —

the stars enchanted the night sky

the stars stole the spotlight

the moon reigning superior,

collecting awe, the spark of wonder.

I was insignificant, unworthy to save.

I had no reason for faith.

But she sees things in between the light

that others do not see —

a lost cause,

a helpless soul,

a lifeless body.

She reached out and rescued me.

My life got harder when I met her.

I started to feel again —

my memories resurfaced in shards

my memories opened old scars

my trauma storming in with a smirk,

ready to bruise, ready to hurt.

Nights became sleepless torture.

I started to feel again.

My life got harder when I met her.

I started to process the pain —

the shame from did-not-report

the shame of undeserving support

the truth creeping through in the warmth

of her voice, that I am not to blame.

I am not to blame.

I started to process the pain.

She walked me through the world and

showed me its beauty —

the strength of positivity,

the ease of breathing,

the resilience of the body,

She’s the most beautiful creation I’ll ever meet.

So when she tells me my life will grow softer.

I believe her.

I believe her.

Elfie is a queer writer and poet from Derbyshire, England. Her debut chapbook Will You Still Love Me if I Love Her? was published this year and her work has been featured in Constellate Literary Journal and Royal Rose Magazine, among other places. When she isn't writing, Elfie attempts to play the piano and sing at the same time. (She's bad. You're lucky you can't hear her.)

Twitter/Insta: elfieinbloom

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